🎤🔥 IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! 🔥🎤
The Rock's music hitsEntire framework ecosystem shakes
📣 THE ROCK HAS SOMETHING TO SAY...
To React:"Oh, so you're the 'industry standard'? You've got 45KB of runtime, useTransition, useDeferredValue, Suspense boundaries..."
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still making users download megabytes of JavaScript! You're still hydrating like it's 2015! You're still pretending 16ms latency is "fast enough"!
THE ROCK SAYS: 12.01 KB. 0ms latency. KNOW YOUR ROLE!
To Vue:"Oh, you've got the Composition API now? ref() vs reactive()? computed() vs watch()?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still confusing developers with two mental models! You're still shipping 35KB of reactivity overhead! You're still doing client-side work the server should handle!
THE ROCK SAYS: One API. One way. SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
To Angular:"Oh, you're 'enterprise-grade'? You've got RxJS, decorators, zones, dependency injection..."
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still shipping 500KB+ bundles! You're still requiring a PhD to understand your architecture! You're still using Zone.js in 2025!
THE ROCK SAYS: Simple is better. LAY THE SMACKDOWN!
To Next.js:"Oh, you've got Server Components? App Router? Edge Runtime? Turbopack?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still hydrating the entire page! You're still shipping the React runtime! You're still making developers choose between 47 rendering strategies!
THE ROCK SAYS: Server computes. Client executes. BOOM!
To Svelte:"Oh, you 'compile away the framework'? You're lightweight? You're reactive?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still doing client-side diffing! You're still missing predictive rendering! You're still not server-authoritative!
THE ROCK SAYS: Compile time AND runtime. THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE!
To Solid:"Oh, you've got fine-grained reactivity? No VDOM? Real DOM updates?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still reactive (not predictive)! You're still waiting for events to happen! You're still missing the MVC bridge!
THE ROCK SAYS: Predict before it happens. THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!
To Astro:"Oh, you ship zero JavaScript by default? Islands architecture? Partial hydration?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're STILL hydrating (just less of it)! You're still interactive islands, not predictive ones! You're still missing real-time updates!
THE ROCK SAYS: Zero hydration beats partial hydration. EVERY TIME!
To Qwik:"Oh, you've got resumability? You serialize the framework state? You lazy-load everything?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still shipping framework code on demand! You're still waiting for user interaction to load! You're still not predicting what happens next!
THE ROCK SAYS: Pre-compute, don't lazy-load. THE PEOPLE'S PERFORMANCE!
To HTMX:"Oh, you're 'HTML-first'? You've got hyperscript? You swap HTML fragments?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still making full server round-trips! You're still missing predictive caching! You're still not type-safe across the stack!
THE ROCK SAYS: Server predictions, not server round-trips. SURGICAL PRECISION!
To Alpine.js:"Oh, you're lightweight? Just 15KB? x-data and x-bind?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still client-side only! You're still missing server integration! You're still template strings, not TSX!
THE ROCK SAYS: TypeScript safety beats template strings. ALWAYS!
To Remix:"Oh, you're built on Web Standards? You've got loaders and actions? Progressive enhancement?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still shipping React! You're still hydrating! You're still making developers choose between 10 loading strategies!
THE ROCK SAYS: One strategy. One way. THE RIGHT WAY!
To SolidStart:"Oh, you're Solid but with routing? Server functions? Streaming SSR?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
(Same problems as Solid, just with routing)
THE ROCK SAYS: (see Solid section above) STILL NOT PREDICTIVE!
To Fresh:"Oh, you're Preact on Deno? Islands with no build step? Just-in-time rendering?"
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
You're still Preact (React-lite)! You're still hydrating islands! You're still not predicting!
THE ROCK SAYS: Fresh? More like STALE! PREDICTIVE IS THE FUTURE!
🏆 THE ROCK'S FINAL MESSAGE TO ALL FRAMEWORKS:
IT DOESN'T MATTER...
- If you're the "industry standard"
- If you're "enterprise-grade"
- If you're "battle-tested"
- If you're "modern"
- If you're "lightweight"
- If you're "zero-JavaScript"
- If you're "resumable"
- If you're "fine-grained"
- If you're "compiler-first"
- If you're "HTML-first"
WHAT MATTERS IS:
✅ Are you under 15KB? (Minimac't: 12.01 KB)
✅ Do you have 0ms latency? (Minimac't: Predictive patches)
✅ Do you skip hydration? (Minimac't: Zero hydration)
✅ Are you server-authoritative? (Minimac't: Server decides)
✅ Are you type-safe end-to-end? (Minimac't: C# ↔ TypeScript)
✅ Do you respect the user? (Minimac't: Performance first)
🎤 SO TO EVERY FRAMEWORK OUT THERE...
Whether you're:
- 📦 Shipping 500KB bundles
- 💧 Hydrating the entire DOM
- ⏱️ Waiting 16ms to update
- 🔧 Requiring complex setup
- 📚 Demanding weeks of learning
- 🎪 Offering 47 ways to do one thing
The Rock has ONE THING to say:
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
Because when you step into the ring with Minimac't...
When you face:
- 12.01 KB of pure performance
- 0ms predictive rendering
- Zero hydration bloat
- Server-authoritative security
- Type-safe end-to-end
- Six simple hooks
You're gonna get...
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW! 💪
THE ROCK BOTTOM! 💥
THE SMAC'T DOWN! 🔨
AND THEN...
AND THEN...
You're gonna KNOW YOUR ROLE...
And SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
*The Rock's music hits*
*Minimac't logo shines*
*12.01 KB displayed in lights*
*Crowd chants: "MINI-MAC'T! MINI-MAC'T! MINI-MAC'T!"*
🔥 THE BOTTOM LINE:
IT DOESN'T MATTER what framework you are...
IT DOESN'T MATTER what features you have...
IT DOESN'T MATTER how long you've been around...
Because MINIMAC'T...
Is FASTER than you!
Is SMALLER than you!
Is SIMPLER than you!
Is BETTER than you!
AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE...
BECAUSE MINIMAC'T SAID SO!
✊💥
IF YA SMELL...
WHAT THE MINIMAC'T...
IS COOKIN'!!
🔥🔥🔥
*drops mic*
*walks away*
*frameworks lie defeated*
*12.01 KB still going strong*
🏆⚡💻
THE PEOPLE'S FRAMEWORK HAS SPOKEN.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS.
🎤🔥
© 2025 Minimac't. The Most Electrifying Framework in Web Development Entertainment.